File Under: Sex and Marriage

Titty Fucking

So, I get into writing, I drop out, I try to have some sex that I can write about…Well, it’s been a bit of a dry spell lately…but this is a little trick that my wife suggested awhile back and I am totally, completely into it.

My wife was on her period but could tell I was a bit hard-up for sex (no pun intended) so she said “you could titty fuck me…” To be honest, I never figured I would hear those words come out of her mouth. So, to hear them was music to my ears. We’ve done it a few times since she said this and I can’t help but smile and be elated every time we do it. It goes a little something like this:

  1. Woman must have, oh, C-cup tits to pull this off – much smaller and the friction needed won’t be possible
  2. Man/Woman lathers up tits with oil – something good-smelling is nice, though not necessary
  3. Man mounts woman with penis pressed against oiled chest
  4. Woman presses oiled tits together over penis, creating a wet, tight environment
  5. You know the rest

I STRONGLY suggest a little mood lighting, if you can find some. We have some lamps we picked up at The Home Depot (thanks, orange dudes!!!) on super clearance that give a good ambience. This will help the guy see his penis thrusting back and forth between his woman’s tits (see my comments on visuals being key for men). I can’t keep the shit-eatin’ grin off my face while I’m doing this, as the sight of my wife’s huge, oiled, pressed-together tits pressed around my cock is just too much NOT to smile at.

All told, the tight environment (created by my wife pressing her tits together) and the oil make for a pussy-like feel and the visual is just excellent. I usually last, oh, 2-3 minutes as the sensations are just too much for me (and there’s a good chance that I haven’t had sex in awhile if I’m doing this). With any luck, you’ll get to come on her face when you’re done 🙂

Just thought I’d toss this one out there. I’d done this before getting married a couple of times and really didn’t see the allure. My wife has it mastered…and I love every minute of it 🙂


August 20, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , , | 3 Comments


Thank you, Nintendo. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

You have made my wife feel closer to me, as we spend many evenings hanging out and playing video games after the kids hit the sack. When she feels closer to me, she wants to fuck me…and that happened last night…twice. Both times were pretty hot, too – the first one was on the couch, where I got to ravage her. She was ultra wet and ready and I was rock hard, meaning excellent sex. I’d had a few drinks, so I got to last a bit (which she enjoyed). I finished first and then fingered her to a loud, satisfying orgasm. We proceeded to play more Wii, after which we finally hit the sack. Before we left, she kindly told me that I’d probably have to fuck her again before bedtime (it’d been about a week).  Who would’ve thought that a damn video-game system would be a catalyst for good sex?  Aren’t they supposed to kill a girl’s mood?  Moving on…

So, to the bedroom we went (after I finished my game of old-school Super Mario Bros. 3 [from the old NES – yeah, you can download them to the Wii]), where I got ready for bed…the started on Round 2. We got right to it, missionary style. We fucked hard and fast and it felt great. However, we were on Round 2…and we’d each had a few drinks (I’d had 2 mojitos and 2 beers in a couple of hours), so I was pretty well desensitized. She asked to ride me and I was happy to oblige (I was getting tired). I tried to push my cock as far into her as humanly possible – and did – but she was also desensitized. She rode me for a few minutes and then tired out and rolled back onto the bed, where we got back to the fast, hard, and vigorous pace of missionary sex. I did everything I could to bring myself to orgasm…

…and then realized that the workout program I’ve been doing on the Wii Fit had made my hips and ass tired. Damn you, Nintendo!!!

Perhaps I can get Fit Credits for sex?

June 22, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Who Knew…

…that the Nintendo Wii would be something that made you want to have sex more with your wife…seriously. We’ve been here for the past hour playing different games (including Super Mario Bros. – the old one…you can download it to the Wii for $5 – friggin’ awesome…) and we usually spent that time in different rooms, writing on our blogs 🙂

Hoping for sex…

June 21, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , | 3 Comments

One Girl’s “Perfect Blow Job”…

This one is pretty good. It touches on most of my points (albeit from a rather sex-addled perspective) in the guide. Notice that she moves from one point to another at different points during the blow job (in her mind). Not all of them at the same time – that’s too much work. Check it out…

June 21, 2008 Posted by | 1 | | Leave a comment

A Few Quick Comments on the Oral-Sex Guide

My wife read my guide and, well, was overwhelmed.  I don’t know if that’s just her or if that’s the way I wrote it.  I’d like to expound a bit on it…

The guide itself is meant to educate women (or men, as the case may be, though they probably already know most of this) on how to give a good blow job.  Part of the problem with many women is that they simply don’t understand the hot spots in a guy’s brain and on his body.  They think from a female’s perspective.  However, knowing what works and what doesn’t is like having forward scouts at wartime – it’s good to know the lay of the land and the enemy’s positions ahead of time.  That way you aren’t shooting in the dark.  As I said in the beginning, I wanted to approach this holistically – in other words, I wanted to get to the root of the issue and work outward.  My hope is that I did that.

In doing so, I was trying to educate women, specifically, on the different parts of the male anatomy and how they are important to blow jobs.  For God’s sake, please do not try to do all of the things I suggested in one blow job unless you want to really hate life.  I attempted to educate you on the many different ways to make your blow jobs more enjoyable and – yes – shorter in length, avoiding the dreaded lockjaw.  Many women don’t like giving them because they hurt.  If I can reduce pain and discomfort by educating you on the good and bad of a blow job, then I’ve made you attach more positive thoughts to the blow job, which makes you like it more, which makes HIM like it more, which makes a better relationship.  See?  Holistic!!!

So, unfortunately, it’s not a how-to video (with any luck and a little help from my wife, perhaps I’ll have one of those someday…honey?) or a step-by-step on what to do, specifically.   As a matter of fact, I set out specifically not to do that.  My next post on the matter will be a sort of mock blow job – one possible way that I’d like to get one.  It isn’t the one-size-fits-all guide to oral sex, but I hope it will get you close.

Talk to you soon!

June 20, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , | 1 Comment

A Woman’s Guide to Giving Oral Sex – Part 3, “Practice”

So, let’s recap what we’ve learned up to this point:

  1. Men like to look at things – boobs, ass, pussy, and those things moving while we do dirty things with you.  Oh, and we like to watch you suck our cocks.
  2. We like sexy attitude and the feeling that you want it as bad as we do.
  3. The penis is a complex organ.
  4. There is more to the penis than meets the eye.
  5. The tongue is the most important part of the female anatomy…after boobs, of course :

Now that we’ve learned a bit about the male penis, it’s time to see what you can do to it, using the advice and information that I’ve provided in the two previous posts.

The tactics of giving a great blow job are relatively easy on their own, but synchronizing the movements in a way that is mind-blowing is probably the single largest impediment to most women’s success. Let’s look at the basic tactics that should be used in a blow job and then we’ll wrap them all up pretty when we get to the end, shall we?

There are a number of general tactics involved in a blow job. Here are the ones I can think of:

  1. The tease
  2. Preparation of the penis (stroking, licking, ice, etc.)
  3. The insertion
  4. Creating the vacuum
  5. Down the pipe
  6. Rhythmic motion
  7. Using your hands as partners-in-crime
  8. Things that don’t rhyme with “Venus”, for $200
  9. Going the distance
  10. Spit, swallow, or jerk-me-off good

As you can probably tell, this goes from start to finish and will cover the actual blow job itself.  I’ll toss in some tips or variants that might help you out a bit here.  However, let’s go down the items and talk about each one, shall we?  I won’t tell you what to do in each one, but give you an idea about what to expect from each part.  I’ll wrap it up with a scenario that will tie it all up in one place.

The tease.

Guys want and need to be horny to really enjoy a blow job.  In all truth, we need to be horny for you to enjoy it.  If we’re not, that’s more work for you, meaning some of that good ol’ fashioned lockjaw.  This should probably start out at the beginning of the day by putting some sexy underwear on under the business attire, leaving us a note, shaving your legs, putting on the sexy lipstick, etc.  This will make us think of sex all day long at work, meaning we’ll be DYING to put the kids to bed when we get home just to ravage you.  As I referenced before, your taking care of us will likely help us take care of you.  This means some pretty killer oral sex (guys – click here) for you.  All told, the tease is excellent preparation if you want to give him a great blow job and minimize your workload.  I mean, if you were about to go on a jog, doesn’t stretching out make it a better run?  Preparation is key, and preparing a guy’s mind means making him think about sex.  A lot.  I actually suggest this game to prepare the hell out of, well, anyone.  Especially dudes like me.

Preparation of the penis.

This should be obvious, but sometimes it isn’t.  This is where you go past the tease and start to play with my cock.  Be gentle, slide your hand down my pants…or take off my underwear slowly while kissing my stomach and hips…SHIT, another erection…anyway, you get the point.  Let me feel that sexy, smooth skin of yours touch my cock and wait for it to stand at attention.  If it takes a short while, use a little tongue or, if you can handle it, put your fingers in your wet pussy and rub that on me for a little while.  I’m obviously going to love it.  If you don’t want to do that (and I suggest you do), use a little tongue and lips…but don’t suck much.  Just enough to get me hard.  Start…stop…start again…OK.  Good to go.

The insertion.

Once I’m good to go, start to take me as far into your mouth as you can handle.  If you are able to open up your throat, do this.  This allows me to feel your entire tongue and mouth against my cock.  It’s wet and warm and reminds me of sex.  Period.  Begin to close your mouth around my cock and press your tongue against it.  Remember to breathe and relax.  This is probably where girls that can’t deep throat go wrong.  Too worried about gagging…and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Creating the vacuum.

Here you should make sure your mouth is sealed over my cock, then begin to pull your mouth muscles inward and create a vacuum.  Things brings the membranes in your mouth, along with your tongue, completely around my cock, making me feel the whole thing.  Remember – the more you touch, the better.  Stimulation is key…unless it’s around the penis head.  Then it kinda, um, sucks.

Also, keep in mind that as you close your mouth and create the vacuum, your teeth may close a bit, too.  This is OK as long as they don’t scrape much.  Teeth are actually much less of a problem to me the farther you go down my shaft.  So, I suppose if you can keep the teeth away until it’s all the way in, you’re OK.  Let the teeth rest a bit and just be conscious not to drag them later.

Down the pipe.

Once the suction is created and your lips, tongue, and mouth are all around my cock, take me further into your mouth or throat – as far as it will go.  This will signal to me what I should expect and will allow me to adjust my breathing accordingly.  Guys loved getting blow jobs…but also have a manly streak in them that makes us want to last at least a little while…but not too long.  So, if you’re going to be taking a lot of me into your mouth, I’ll want to think about, well, anything except sex (baseball, grocery store, Margaret Thatcher) to allow me to last as long as possible as I know it’s not going to be long before it’s all over.  I don’t want to be the oral-sex equivalent of the two-pump chump.  If you can’t take me in too far, I am free to think about sex a little more because I am not avoiding the thought and am actually wrapped up in what I’m doing.  You can get me thinking about baseball again by adding hand strokes, but more on that in a bit.

Rhythmic motion.

Make the blow job feel as much like sex as you can – wet, tight, and rhythmic.  With oral sex, on an evolutionary level, you’re probably just trying to trick my cock and brain into thinking I’m having sex.  And, on that level, it works.  So, make it feel like sex.  You don’t need to suck very hard – after all, your pussy doesn’t create a vacuum…I hope – but lack of any suction leads to exhaustion and more lockjaw, so strike a balance between making me yawn and me wondering if my penis head is going to pop off before it’s all over.  Bob up and down/back and forth while trying to maintain a rather constant feeling over the duration.  Obviously, be aware of what your partner is saying/moaning so that you can adjust accordingly.  Also, try to make it as comfortable on yourself as you can.  The longer you’re there, the better chance we have of coming 🙂

Using your hands as partners-in-crime.

This can be used by girls that deep-throat but is very important for those that don’t.  Like that old, Canadian sex lady says, use your hand as an extension of your mouth if your mouth isn’t available.  Just make sure that the part where you use your hand is good and wet.  I don’t want a wet blow job and a dry hand job.  That’s weird.

Anyway, you see this technique in porn a lot.  If you don’t believe me, go watch some.  I suggest Jenna Jameson.  I saw some of her older stuff (mid-90s) and she was a pro.  It essentially involves you placing a firm-yet-soft grip (with your good hand) on the base of my cock and putting your mouth on the rest.  As you move out, move your hand with it.  This will get your hand wet and allow you to move back toward the base again as you move forward.  This is pseudo-deep-throating and is the 2nd best thing in that department.  I wouldn’t try two hands, either.  It’s a cock, not a Double Cheeseburger.  Both hands will make it look like you’re eating it…but maybe that’s just me.  That other hand should be used elsewhere.  Speaking of which…

Things that don’t rhyme with “Venus”, for $200.

Remember, the more we feel, the better.  If you’re using one hand to hold onto my hips and the other to stroke my cock during the blow job, both hands are taken.  However, if you’re deep-throating, get the free hand out and use it for one of three things:

  1. Pressing softly but deliberately against my perineum (under the balls, toward the asshole).  Press gently into the skin so you’re rubbing against the penis extended and move your fingers (2 or 3) back and forth along a 1-2″ area at the same rate you’re moving up and down my shaft.
  2. Gently tugging on my scrotum (not the balls directly, that hurts).  The soft hands and edgy touch is hot.
  3. Pushing a small object a short distance up my asshole.  Remember this pushes against the prostate.  If you move it slowly back and forth in rhythm, you’re fine.  I would not suggest that you do this if I’m standing, however.  That takes too much balance on your part and my ass will be clenched when I stand up.  I should be sitting on the edge of something or fucking your mouth.  If I’m fucking your mouth, you have both hands free, giving you all kinds of possibilities.

All told, do something that adds to it.

Going the distance.

Blow jobs take practice as the muscles build.  Expect the first few to be a bit uncomfortable.  However, with a little bit of practice, you’ll be fine.  You can practice on your own time (kinda like masturbation), as well.  Have fun with that 🙂  If you want to learn how to deep throat, I imagine it’s not much different than bonging /funneling beer.  The first try takes a leap of faith – opening your throat and allow that rush of beer was tough the first time.  However, you learn how to do it without yakking it all back up rather quickly (perfectly good beer, dammit!).  I’ve found that breathing properly was the issue.  So, perhaps practice by bonging a few beers?  I’m sure there’s a frat house around somewhere.  If not, a funnel and clear PVC tubing is probably available at Home Depot

More seriously, though, blow jobs take muscle, technique, practice, patience, and perseverance.  Over time, you’ll be able to go the distance – which will grow steadily shorter as you gain skill and confidence – without much issue and you’ll have a very, very happy man starting back at you, waiting for you to remove your panties so that he can return the favor 🙂

Spit, swallow, or jerk-me-off good.

This is an area of the blow job where you hear a bunch of high-school kids banter about which girls suck it all down and which don’t.  Honestly, I think that swallowing is pretty hot…for the 3 seconds that I’m coming and she’s swallowing it.  After that, it doesn’t fucking matter.  Hell, before that it doesn’t fucking matter.  So, if I can handle a small amount of disappointment – no, a few seconds of decreased elation – I’ll let you pick your poison.  My wife jerks me off when I’m done and that’s perfectly OK by me.  Really, I think that spitting isn’t worth it at all.  You have to get up and run to the sink or toilet, which isn’t hot at all.  So, stop altogether and jerk me off or swallow it.  Either way, I’m good.

Stay tuned for the scenario.  I just ran outta gas tonight.  Enjoy!!!

June 18, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Has Anyone Tried Out the Guide Yet?

Just fishing. I’d like to know if anyone has used the (incomplete) guide yet and fumble-fucked their way to a good one. I’m about 1/3 done with the last part and will post, likely, tomorrow. In the meantime, enjoy!

June 17, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , , , | 1 Comment

A Woman’s Guide to Giving Oral Sex – Part 2, “Male Parts Explained”

It’s Father’s Day, so what a day to post something like this!!! Being a father, well, it’s MY day, dammit. How about a blow job? 🙂

Anyway, back to the important stuff. Thursday’s post explored the man’s mind, what pleases it, and how it connects to his cock. Remember the main lessons from the post:

  1. Men are visual creatures and love the mental photography of getting head. Anything you do should first be geared toward this fact.
  2. Like what you’re doing. It turns us on and makes us want to do something dirty to you.
  3. Don’t make us feel like we should go to sleep. That isn’t cool…especially when lips are attached to our cocks.

Men are visual creatures. Say that 5 times in a row and commit it to memory. After that’s done, find your significant other and read the rest of this post 🙂

How you give a good blow job actually depends on your man – more precisely, on his cock: its length, its girth, and whether he’s circumcised or not – but the basic principles are the same. I will approach each of the principles from different perspectives to address the greatest audience, but I’m sure I’ll miss someone. If you have a direct question, contact me directly in the comments and I’ll answer it in the best way I can.

Alright, there are 5 basic areas where you need to concentrate your attention:

  1. The penis head
  2. The shaft
  3. The balls and perineum
  4. The ass and asshole
  5. The hips

In this part, we’re going to talk about the parts of the cock and tactics you should use to maximize the stimulation of those parts. In the next part, we’ll talk about giving the actual blow job and some “accessories” you might use to assist you where you come up short. Anyway, let’s start with #1 and work down, shall we?

The penis head can be both a blessing a curse to the man. Personally, I’m circumcised. So, the head of my penis is going to feel very different during a blow job than another man’s penis – which is uncircumcised – will during the same. It basically comes down to how sensitive the head is. For instance, my cock spends the entire day in either boxer shorts or boxer briefs, often heading over to the gym during my lunch break or sitting at home blogging. Either way, any daily movements I make are done with my penis head moving back and forth with the head rubbing against the underwear at a semi-constant rate. This has a callousing effect, which makes it less sensitive and, thus, a less-attractive target during oral sex. In all honesty, spending minutes sucking on and licking the head of my cock does little to excite me unless the attitude comes with it, which means that my imagination is doing more for me than your mouth is at the time you are attached to it. However, this is just me, and I’m circumcised. Now, I would expect that, if you have a significant other that is not circumcised, this is not totally the case. If my penis head spent a significant amount of time hidden in foreskin, the callousing effect would not be there, making my penis head more sensitive. This could be good…or bad. The reason I say that it could be bad is that the part of my penis head that is sensitive is so in a way that nipples are sensitive when you aren’t horny – it feels like someone attached a jumper cable to the outer 1/4 of your little toe. Not comfy. So, it’s possible that your uncircumcised significant other could like your playing with the head of this cock…or not. If you’re going to do it, play gently, using lots of tongue and don’t suck too hard. This should be the location of gentle foreplay before the game begins. But, as I said, it can be a very sensitive area. As far as the head goes, ASK. Please, for your sake and his. Playing with this part of the cock the right way…or the wrong way…and set the tone for the rest of the blow job.

On to the shaft. The cock shaft is the bread & butter of the American blow job (and probably that of other countries, as well). It is this part of my cock, at least, where the money is made. Now, what happens to this part of the cock depends greatly on the size of your significant other. I can speak from the perspective of the average, Euro-American male because my cock weighs in somewhere near the average male at about 6″ in erect length. Not sure on the girth, but I think I’m OK there, as well. All told, I’m probably an average guy. So, as luck would have it, most of my cock will fit rather nicely into the mouth of the average female, and the enterprising young lady that can deep throat one will offer me the privilege of putting my entire penis inside her mouth. This isn’t necessary for a good…or even great…blow job, but those that can do it have a leg up on the rest. The reason is this: the nerve endings that provide the catalyst for orgasm are, in my estimation, about 70% located along the shaft of the cock. This is where you should spend your time. When you put your man’s cock in your mouth during oral sex, this is where your tongue rests. The more surface area you can touch with your tongue, the better. Since your tongue extends well into your throat, the best way to do this is to deep-throat his cock, giving him maximum contact with your tongue. So, during your blow job, you need to make doubly sure that, regardless of what else you do, you take care of #1 – in this case, the bottom side of his cock shaft. This is where you will get the most kudos, as this is where most of the sensitive (in the good way) nerves are on his cock. If you can’t deep throat (damn), that’s OK. You’ll just have to make up for it in other ways (that’s in Part 3). So, deep throat if you can. If you can’t, you’ll just have to work extra hard on the part that you can put into your mouth and do what you can with the rest. If you’re halfway talented or even a bit creative, the inability to deep-throat your partner will not be an impediment to your sex life. I promise. Regardless of all of this, the point is that the bottom of your man’s shaft is the most important part of his cock if you’re performing oral sex. This fact should penetrate deep into your cranium and be one you recite in a drunken stupor at a staff party at Christmas. When you’re blowing your hot co-worker at the end of the party after 10 Tom & Jerrys, let that be the only coherent thought in your head. OK?

Now, onto #3: the balls and perineum. These are one area where my wife actually opened my eyes a bit, though I’d been partially introduced back in college. A man’s balls, in and of themselves, are not terribly linked to anything sexual outside of purely reproductive acts. However, the sack that holds them – the scrotum – is made of soft, supple, and sensitive skin that is more than happy to accept gentle, yet not-so-gentle tugs and strokes from your hands during the blow job. This brings me to an epiphany that I will call Big Mac’s First Rule:

The more things you touch during oral sex, the better.

If your mouth is on my cock with tongue, slathered up against the bottom of the shaft, and you have your hand slowly but deliberately stroking and tugging on my sack, I’m going to get a little more out of it that if you had only your mouth on my cock. Follow me? I’ve had a blow job in my life where the actual sucking part of it was not all that great – I don’t think she got more than halfway down my shaft. However, she was all over my sack with both hands like it was her job. Not kidding. Touching my sack and tugging on it lightly but deliberately made up for her lack of talent in the area of the penis itself. She compensated well. So, touching, caressing, stroking, and tugging on the scrotum with a light but deliberate motion will make most men enjoy the blow job even more. I’ll go into exactly how to do this when we get to action in Part 3. For now, you need to know what feels good and where to spend your time. Remember: the more stuff you touch, the better.

That brings me to the perineum, which I added as part of the balls for the reason of proximity. The perineum – also called the “taint” (“it ‘taint yer balls and it ‘taint yer ass) by many college guys (and others that are still, mentally, in college) – is a fancy name for the area between your balls and your asshole. However, if you put your fingers under there to see what it really is, you’ll find that it’s just an extension of your man’s penis. We would call it part of the prostate. Regardless of what you call it, however, that part of a man is, as I said, part of the penis. I don’t care that it’s near my asshole. If you can feel it during a blow job, you’ll notice that it’s erect, just like the rest of my cock. Touch it and hear me laugh a bit, as I know you’ve just hit a small jackpot. If you slowly but deliberately stroke that part, expect your job to get a little bit easier. If you can mix this in with stroking my balls and deep-throating, you just became my new best friend with benefits. However, very few women will be able to pull that off (it takes a lot of coordination), so any combination is good. My point here is that the cock doesn’t end at the pubic bone – it ends well inside of us, inside and above the asshole, which brings me to Point #4…

The ass and asshole. Many girls don’t want to go anywhere near this one…nor do many guys. And, to be honest, I really haven’t gone there, either. Men don’t want to feel like they’re gay and girls think that guys poop more heinous stuff than they do, so this area gets little play. However, if anyone’s ever seen the movie “Road Trip” or has had to leave a sperm sample and read the form that asks “how did you provide your sample: masturbation or prostate massage?”, you know what I’m talking about. As I said in the prior paragraph, a man’s cock essentially goes from the head, down the shaft, under and past the balls, on to the asshole, then makes a turn above the asshole and into wherever the hell it goes. All told, what you see is maybe 1/3 of the entire organ. So, if you can do something to stimulate an area that isn’t readily apparent to you, you’ll make the blow job even better. A man’s prostate is very sensitive and that is probably the reason that he can achieve orgasm with anal stimulation (and probably the reason why gay man enjoy it). However, the physical stimulation should be good for heterosexual men, as well…if they can get past the gay thing. I would think that a woman stimulating your asshole would mean you aren’t gay, but whatever. I get it. It’s a guy thing. For a man to get off on this area, however, takes a leap of faith on the woman’s and man’s part: she has to stick something slightly up her man’s ass. We’re not talking 4″ up his ass. We’re talking maybe an inch or two…and we’re probably not talking a dildo, either. That’s where the gay thing comes in. If fingers aren’t kosher, try anal beads or something. Either way, the pressure against and stroking of the prostate will accelerate orgasm and make life easier on you. I promise.

The last point is about the hips. The hips, in and of themselves, are not sexual in terms of nerves and feeling. However, if you get yourself into a position and start giving us a blow job, using our hips as your grip and leverage point makes it hot. I certainly like it. It takes me back to the attitude thing. It shows me that you know what you’re doing, you’re in charge, and that you’re taking care to get it right. Hold on to my hips (even if only with one hand), get the rhythm going, and go to town. Simple as that. It’s just an attitude thing for me.

Anyway, that’s about it for tonight. More on the next part – Part 3 – that will go over tactics of an actual blow job, along with an example. Perhaps I’ll even have my wife perform as part of the experiment. Cheer her on 🙂

Good night, everyone…

June 16, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Soliciting Feedback…

Judging by the readership over the past 20 hours, many people have read the first part of the oral-sex guide.  If you have a minute and have read it to leave a comment or two.

  • Did you use any of the attitude and positioning tips?
  • If so, what results did you get?
  • Am I off my rocker?
  • What else should I include in upcoming parts to the guide?  In other words, where do you need help?

I look forward to hearing your thoughts!

June 13, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , | Leave a comment

A Woman’s Guide to Giving Oral Sex – Part I, “What Men Want”

Alright, so someone asked for this from me and I’ve decided to give it the old college try. I’ve read a few of these in the past (the most recent on but most of them like a lawnmower assembly manual and make it sound as if, once the man is erect, you need to turn to Page 3 and read the English-language half of the page to learn what to do with your tongue. I think it needs to be a little more fun to read so that you remember it. If there’s anything I’ve learned in my career, it’s that using silly examples and stories often help you remember what to do when the pressure’s on 🙂

Now, during the last 24 hours I’ve realized that oral sex is a pretty big subject if you don’t just want a plain-old how-to manual. I’ve decided to break it up into a few different parts, approaching it more holistically. This is partially so that I have time to think about it and don’t rush into an entire guide in one night (I don’t get the kids to bed until at least 8:00P) and partially so I take a more comprehensive approach. Here goes!

A little personal background. In my lifetime, I have slept with 18 girls/women. I lost my virginity at 19 years old in my dorm room after watching the Pink Floyd laser show at the downtown planetarium. The last woman in the queue is my wife, whom I met at age 24. So, quick math…carry the two…move the decimal…Alright, that’s about 3.4 girls per year for almost exactly 5 years. All told, the point is that I’m not speaking from one or two experiences, but a small amount more than that 🙂 I’m also the one-time winner of a (virtual…) blow-job contest during a theatrical performance – long story involving being one of maybe three heterosexual guys in a comedy club on a Friday night (the gay show) in Chicago…and some gay porn mag centerfold…but I digress. I won, dammit! That makes me an expert.

Enough of that. As the title says, what do men want? The short answer: sex. The long answer: A little more than just sex. Really. We’re just not as simple as you think.

Women (my wife included) seem to think that men think about sex 24/7 – come on, honey…no more than 22/6 – and that we are all just walking penises that need something to hump hourly. I’d say you’re about half right here. Humping your ex- gets a little old after awhile, though, making us move on to something more fun. It is not at all true, however, that guys just need someplace warm and moist to park their penises in order to be happy. If that were true, all sex – oral and otherwise – would be the same. After all, women do not vary all that much in size, as do men (in terms of sexual organs and mouths). Therefore, all guys should get the same pleasure out of each fuck or blow job, right? They don’t. Why not? Her approach to the whole episode. The same girl can be great one night and lousy the next. It’s the same girl, same pussy/mouth, different day. One leaves you quite satisfied, the other wanting. This brings me to Ingredient #1 in The Recipe for Excellent Oral Sex…


Sorry, but it matters. I don’t want you to suck my dick. I want you to want to suck my dick…and then suck it. As I said before, warm and moist just isn’t enough to make it great. Since we’re looking for great oral sex, it all starts with the right mindset. You could probably fake this, to a point, but most guys with an IQ in the triple-digits will pick up your faking it and not enjoy themselves as much.

A good episode would start with a long build-up – perhaps a good amount of touching at inopportune times (kids still around, etc.) in opportune places, long kisses followed by nothing, sexy glances. In short, you tease the hell out of us. This is where you get sex on our brains and it doesn’t leave. We’re now thinking about the nasty, nasty things we want to do to you when the kids finally hit the fuckin’ sack…and we’re erect and waiting. All told, you’ve shown us that you want to get to it with us and you’ve got it lodged in our brains that this is what you want. On to Ingredient #2…

Positioning and Control.

This can actually cut a few different ways. You can put yourself in a position of total submission to us or you can put us in a position of total submission. Or you can oblige us in some #69. Whatever you choose, make it so that one of you is in total control of the task at hand (in #69 you both have a task). My take is that I want you to suck my cock and do it the way I like it (without assistance) or I essentially want to dictate the terms to you by tying you up and fucking your mouth. I suggest that you try both for variety and to see what works best for you.

Remember this: men are visual creatures. We want the picture of oral sex seared into our brains for the next week at work. I may not remember how it felt by Thursday, but I’ll certainly get hard over the thought of my wife going to town on my cock while I’m poring through spreadsheets at work. This can be achieved in either of the scenarios in the previous paragraph. In the end, I can always think back to what I saw – myself lording over my wife as she quietly tells me “fuck my mouth” while I feed her my cock…or looking down at her while she gently places it into her mouth, begins sucking, and looks up at me to see the look on my face (which is one of sheer joy and elation, by the way). The sheer thought of it makes me want it right now, which proves my case. I’m actually typing with an erection. No joke.

One word of caution – and I’m not likely alone here – but lying me down on the bed and giving me a blowjob while my head lay on a pillow is a recipe for lockjaw. Yes, you may get an orgasm out of me (this is where the warm and moist come in), but I’m not going to remember it nearly as well. Why? Two reasons: 1) No visual (I’m staring at the ceiling) and 2) I’m thinking of sleep. Again, with enough work, you could probably jar me out of it and get an orgasm, but do you want the lockjaw? I didn’t think so.

So, three suggested positions for giving oral sex:

1) Edge of a couch, chair, bed, countertop, etc., with legs hanging over the edge and balls freely exposed. This position is probably best if you want to get done quickly. With my balls hanging freely, my cock has maximum exposure and the air feels good on it, especially as you breathe while teasing. This position also gives you a fair range of motion, allows you to do as you please, and will let you use your hand AND support yourself with the other. I can watch you do it (the visual), you can take as much of me as possible into your mouth with little interference from a bed or balls, and I don’t feel like sleeping. This also likely gives you the greatest degree of control…and is my favorite of the three positions.

2) Standing up with you on your knees. In my experience, this position has served one of two purposes: 1) girl is a pro and really gets to it, leaving me with shaking knees and a stupid look on my face in 30 seconds, or 2) preparation for rough sex. If she pulls my pants off and can’t even bother to get back up, it means that she can’t wait and absolutely needs cock right now in any way she can get it (see: Attitude). If this is the chosen position, I’m probably OK with either scenario – sex or blow job – as the blow job with me standing can take awhile, even if done really well. This might not be the case with all guys, but for me it’s a blood-flow thing. I’m using other muscles below the waist if I’m standing and the erection isn’t the only thing on the menu for my body. However, this position allows the best visual, gives us the idea that we’re in control (even if we aren’t), and really gets us turned on for something, sex or not. In terms of pure oral sex, this would come in third of the three I write about here, but comes in above lying-down oral sex. In terms of preparation for sex, however, it can’t be beaten.

3) Domination. This is one that I only recently discovered, thanks to my wife (God, I love her… 🙂 ). A few weeks back, I decided to surprise my wife with a belt and a tie and decided to bind her to the bedposts. She offered herself to me and obliged when I told her to suck my cock as I kneeled over her. The feeling of control is overwhelming and goes straight to the primal core of a male, getting the testosterone flowing. The position didn’t look terribly comfortable to her – she had to strain a bit – but I could tell that, once she got going, it wasn’t going to take long. The combination of control, the extra testosterone, and the exposed feeling – the position of my cock and balls are roughly the same as they are when I sit at the edge of the bed – were wonderful as her full, soft lips and tongue wrapped themselves around my cock. The second time we did this, she actually said “fuck my mouth”. I obliged and it felt great. She tossed in some attitude, which made it even hotter. Both times I had to pull out after about 30 seconds to keep from hitting the Point of No Return, as I wanted to go down on her (another control thing) and fuck her brains out. So, that position is certainly a good one. It takes a certain amount of trust and faith on the woman’s part, but this one comes in #2 for me. The only thing keeping it from #1 is that I have to work a little harder to keep my cock off of her teeth. The angles don’t work out too well and I have to guide myself with my hand, which takes a little bit away from it. However, all told, it’s a very good position and I’m a fan.

Tune in next time for a post on tactics…

June 13, 2008 Posted by | Sex and Other Fun Stuff | , , , , , , | 2 Comments